I often worry about over-reflection.

I think most of the people in my life worry about the same problem.  Not so much “over-reflection” on their part.  No, rather, I think most of my loved ones and close friends worry about the deep places I go to during these times of reflection.

They worry about my over-reflection.

I suppose that’s why I refer to it as “over-reflection” rather than simply “reflection”.

This also happens to be the reason I don’t take pain medications anymore.

I’ve been tired, sore, groggy, busy, bored, uninspired…physical therapy sessions will do that.  At least this is temporary.  At least I’m not facing surgery again.

An old injury flairs up and I become almost worthless.  At least I caught up a little on my Hulu and Netflix?

Back to work!

You ever feel stuck?

You know…that rut?

I think I find myself being pulled (my own doing BTW) in so many directions I’ll end up stuck in 4 or 5 ruts one day.

I’m not there yet…but I’m trying to prevent it from getting there.

Focus.

Focus.

Focus.

Fuck us.

One of the things that I’ve had to battle internally is this whole notion of what it means to be a photographer.  More specifically an art photographer.  Even more specific I suppose would be “artist”.

I used to be a “professional photographer”.

Big deal.

I used to charge thousands of dollars to take pictures at people’s weddings.

Big deal.

I have over a decade of experience with a camera to my eye.

Bid deal.

Now?

I haven’t made very much money directly from my photography in a while.

Making the switch from a working pro to an artist is probably harder than starting from scratch.  There’s this whole stigma that follows you.

“Oh…you used to do weddings.  That’s nice.”

You kinda get that from the gallery owners and art buyers.

I need to stop telling them that.

Sometimes, when I’m feeling a bit bogged down by financial worries, or just thinking about how this will all pan out, I think about the knowledge I have now and how I could easily tear up this town doing weddings and portraits again.  With my knowledge of website building, SEO, tons of built in contacts throughout the community (especially in the right tax bracket), I could easily become one of the top wedding photographers in West Texas.

But that’s not what I want.

It really wasn’t ever what I wanted.

At one time, sure, it mades sense.  Sometimes, financially, it still makes sense.

But man…I hate shooting weddings.

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