One of the things that I’ve had to battle internally is this whole notion of what it means to be a photographer.  More specifically an art photographer.  Even more specific I suppose would be “artist”.

I used to be a “professional photographer”.

Big deal.

I used to charge thousands of dollars to take pictures at people’s weddings.

Big deal.

I have over a decade of experience with a camera to my eye.

Bid deal.

Now?

I haven’t made very much money directly from my photography in a while.

Making the switch from a working pro to an artist is probably harder than starting from scratch.  There’s this whole stigma that follows you.

“Oh…you used to do weddings.  That’s nice.”

You kinda get that from the gallery owners and art buyers.

I need to stop telling them that.

Sometimes, when I’m feeling a bit bogged down by financial worries, or just thinking about how this will all pan out, I think about the knowledge I have now and how I could easily tear up this town doing weddings and portraits again.  With my knowledge of website building, SEO, tons of built in contacts throughout the community (especially in the right tax bracket), I could easily become one of the top wedding photographers in West Texas.

But that’s not what I want.

It really wasn’t ever what I wanted.

At one time, sure, it mades sense.  Sometimes, financially, it still makes sense.

But man…I hate shooting weddings.

How much of what we do as artists is “reaching”?

I happen to think that the answer is quite a bit.  Or rather…way too much?

One might think that the real question should be: What are we “reaching” for?

As artists we tend to be introspective or perhaps retrospective.  I suppose it just means we are, in one shape or another, looking at some sort of perspective.  Whether it’s our own perspective or it’s an attempt at twisting the viewer’s perspective seems irrelevant to me right now.

In fact, the question at hand, “What are we reaching for?” is irrelevant to me right now.

I personally don’t care what you’re reaching for.  Nor, do I think, should you care what I’m reaching for, insofar as some convoluted or self prescribed perspective is concerned.

Truthfully, if you’re reaching for some predetermined outcome, or outcry, from me, when I see your art, you’re going to be sadly disappointed.  The same is going to be true for me.  If I, somehow, after battling my own low self worth as an artist, delusion myself into thinking that you’ll perceive what I want you to perceive when you look at my art…I’m going to be sadly disappointed.  It’s happened before and it’ll happen again.

The question that I’m most concerned with right now is WHY…why are we “reaching”?

I mean…is it drive?  Is there some “thing” that drives artists to create?

Why?

So that one day…after one of my photographs or paintings is sitting in some collector’s home that a critic or collector or curator or whomever will prove that I, a brilliant and poignant photographer, had a good eye for irony and hypocrisy, or composition, or juxtaposition, or whatever…

Crap.  It’s all crap.

Yet tomorrow…just like today…something will compel me (perhaps even drive me) to “reach” for some way to connect with my viewers/future collectors…whatever.

Sometimes you feel like life has every deck in the world stacked against you.

It doesn’t.

Sometimes you feel like everyone is out to get you.

They aren’t.

Sometimes you feel like you just can’t do anything right.

You can.

It’s about pushing yourself forward. It’s about consistency. It’s about sticking to your guns. It’s about time and it’s about life.

Not everything you do in life is going to be a complete success. You will fail. Get over it and move to the next thing.

What you absolutely don’t want to do is not do anything at all.  You don’t really want to just wake up, go to work, go home, eat dinner, go to bed, rinse and repeat…do you?

Make something or make something happen.  Otherwise you’re just a cog in a wheel.

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